that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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