So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
