Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
