what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
