so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I think your dad took our porno
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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