I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
