Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
