I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
