I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
