a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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