Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I hope mine doesn't look like that
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
