I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
i am craving dick and cupcakes
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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