and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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