im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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