fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Just pee around me
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
