No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
