When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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