thus making me awesome and them whores
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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