ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
