last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize