If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
