Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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