I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
