i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
