Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
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