dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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