so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
