I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
