Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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