so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
