He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Sober January is a disaster.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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