I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
