the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Can vaginas get frostbite?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
