Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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