Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
