He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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