i barfeds in our rink
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
