do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
