goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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