so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
