I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
