I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Walk of Shame today included voting.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
