i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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