So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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