My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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