we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
