Screwed.edu
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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