I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize