don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
