You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
