Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
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