Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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