he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
