so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
