I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
