I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
last night I used snow as a chaser
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
