i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
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