i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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