I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
