CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
this just has baby written all over it
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
