lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
