Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
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