Pappa wants mamma naked
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
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