I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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