dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
