dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
