If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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