'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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