at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Someone shattered a urinal.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
