If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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