as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
